What's love got to do with it?

This article was recently published in EMEL Magazine.

February plays host to Valentine's Day, and to the declaration of those 'three little words.' But what exactly are those three little words, and what do they reveal about our modern psyche?

A colleague of mine will be abroad, but will be sending flowers to his wife with the message: "I'm sorry I can't be there to take you out for an over-priced meal. Here are some over-priced flowers instead." He humorously conveys his love, but his words reflect a modern-day fatigue of being told what, when and how to feel, beholden to the manufacturing and commercialisation of emotion.

"Happy Hallmark Holiday" encapsulates our disillusion with modern angst for total perfection. Our very real, natural and rough-round-the-edges human processes are turned into flawless airbrushed ideals that do not resemble our lived experiences.

At the opposite extreme of expressing our feelings, we face another far too common three word phrase: "it is bid'ah", denying our natural fitrah to express love. Last year, the Saudi Vice Police were sent to all shops the week before Valentine's Day to ensure that nothing red-coloured was sold. Kuwaiti MPs declared that Valentine's Day was 'not compatible with our values.' The Internet is replete with questions asking whether Valentine's Day is haram, halal or bid'ah.

How did Muslims reach the point where we ask legal authorities about matters of celebrating love? Consider other questions that are asked: "Is falling in love allowed in Islam?" or "Can a husband express his love to his wife?" They reflect the increasingly legalistic approach that Muslims are taking in all matters of life.

Today, as Muslims, we have become servants of the law, instead of the law serving us in order to achieve higher spiritual perfection. Abiding by the law is not a purpose in itself: it is a means to an end. It is critical to respect the law, and our jurists and scholars, but we must be careful not to derive a false satisfaction from following the law for the law's sake over striving towards the underlying objectives of the law. Our current pre-occupation with legalities rather than ethos is directly connected to the fact that we have become unclear about our goals, our values and our principles as human beings who follow the faith of Islam.

Bluntly put, we focus on the minutiae instead of freeing ourselves to ask world-changing questions. Let's ask our scholars big questions that focus on Islam's concern for all human beings. If Islam is about social welfare for the whole of humanity, then let's ask: how do we use the institutions of zakat to put an end to world poverty? If the Prophet emphasised education by saying 'seek education even to China', then how do we ensure that every child goes to school? If Islam is concerned with physical as well as spiritual well-being, how do we ensure healthcare reaches all human beings?

What of those other three little words, "I love you"? We often hear that Christianity is the religion of love, but Islam - wrongly in my opinion - is characterised as far from this. Why is Islam portrayed in this way?

We must challenge the ideas that modern discourse - which includes Muslims themselves who have been brought up on a diet of legalistic directives - perpetuates that Muslims and Islam are lacking in love, or worse, are averse to it. The discussion of love - for Islam by its nature is predicated on love - is critical to our survival and contribution to the modern world. So much so, that I wanted to explore these forgotten ideas of love that underpin the very essence of being a Muslim, with humour, humanity and lightness of touch. The title and subject-matter of my forthcoming book, Love in a Headscarf, for these very reasons creates surprise at the juxtaposition of the idea of Muslims and love.

Muslims say that Islam is the religion of peace. Some go further and say that it is the religion of justice, and that justice underpins peace. I would go further still and say that Islam is the religion of Rahmah, compassion. For compassion to be exercised, justice must already be inherent. But compassion also expels the lurking remnants of hatred, fear and pain through love. Hate cannot push out hate, only love can push out hatred. Allah insists we know Him by His name Rahman, the Lovingly Compassionate. We too must reclaim our role as the people of Rahmah.