Am I beautiful?
Last week I made the first of a series of guest appearances on a new women's show on BanglaTV (don't even ask!) The aim of the show called Voices, is to provide a forum for discussion for women about relevant topics. There's a presenter and three guests basically having a chat about the topic, and guests can call in and put their views across. Last week the topic was "Am I beautiful?", to discuss the pressures to be beautiful.
In the course of my research I discovered some astonishing facts. According to a survey by Dove (who have cannily launched the Campaign for Real Beauty), only 2% of women identify themselves as beautiful. Only two out of every hundred! That is shocking. What happened to the other 98 to have such low self esteem? 90% of all women 15-64 worldwide want to change at least one aspect of their physical appearance (with body weight ranking the highest). A gob-smacking 67% of all women 15 to 64 withdraw from life engaging activities due to feeling badly about their looks (among them things like giving an opinion, going to school, going to the doctor). This is frankly using psychological methods to enforce social control.
The terrible thing is that Asians feel as though they are whiter than white when it come to exempting women from the pressures to be beautiful. But this couldn't be further from the truth.
Perhaps the most interesting points in the show (for me at any rate) was the unravelling of not only the 'western' pressures on women to always look fabulous, but also the 'eastern' idea that as a woman, whether a potential or actual daughter in law (and marriage was a huge factor in all this), being beautiful was hugely important. Women have to be attractive to secure a "decent proposal", and those who are not are often passed over.
When mother-in-laws select wives it is acknowledged that beauty is high up on the list, and when the women become new brides, their appearance, looks and being dolled up are extremely important, even, we discussed, to the detriment of hijab - the modest covering that Muslim women often choose to wear. As new brides, women's hijab is often dispensed with lightly as these women become beauty objects.
When I discussed the idea that such women were then only "trophies", a caller told me off for women thinking of themselves in this way, and that we should be happy if in-laws wanted to show off a new daughter in law for being attractive.
A brave woman called in to express how she had felt quite secure in her own home, but after she got married her in-laws would often criticise the way she looked and dressed, till they had broken her confidence and self-esteem.
With the whole debate raging about whether women should wear hijab or niqab, these attitudes strike me as deeply superficial and hypocritical. What is the point of modest dress and behaviour when the real attitudes that lie underneath are to flaunt a beautiful daughter-in-law like a prize possession?
By belittling the importance of modest dress and covering for newly married women, a greater contrast is created for these dolled up brides compared to their previous self-selected modest apparel and demeanour. This only emphasises that being dressed up and "being beautiful" (whatever that means) are truly the goal. Despite the big fuss about hijab and niqab from within the more traditional parts of the Muslim community, it sees that in real life, attitude and behaviour, modesty is the booby prize to being beautiful, and showing it off.
In the course of my research I discovered some astonishing facts. According to a survey by Dove (who have cannily launched the Campaign for Real Beauty), only 2% of women identify themselves as beautiful. Only two out of every hundred! That is shocking. What happened to the other 98 to have such low self esteem? 90% of all women 15-64 worldwide want to change at least one aspect of their physical appearance (with body weight ranking the highest). A gob-smacking 67% of all women 15 to 64 withdraw from life engaging activities due to feeling badly about their looks (among them things like giving an opinion, going to school, going to the doctor). This is frankly using psychological methods to enforce social control.
The terrible thing is that Asians feel as though they are whiter than white when it come to exempting women from the pressures to be beautiful. But this couldn't be further from the truth.
Perhaps the most interesting points in the show (for me at any rate) was the unravelling of not only the 'western' pressures on women to always look fabulous, but also the 'eastern' idea that as a woman, whether a potential or actual daughter in law (and marriage was a huge factor in all this), being beautiful was hugely important. Women have to be attractive to secure a "decent proposal", and those who are not are often passed over.
When mother-in-laws select wives it is acknowledged that beauty is high up on the list, and when the women become new brides, their appearance, looks and being dolled up are extremely important, even, we discussed, to the detriment of hijab - the modest covering that Muslim women often choose to wear. As new brides, women's hijab is often dispensed with lightly as these women become beauty objects.
When I discussed the idea that such women were then only "trophies", a caller told me off for women thinking of themselves in this way, and that we should be happy if in-laws wanted to show off a new daughter in law for being attractive.
A brave woman called in to express how she had felt quite secure in her own home, but after she got married her in-laws would often criticise the way she looked and dressed, till they had broken her confidence and self-esteem.
With the whole debate raging about whether women should wear hijab or niqab, these attitudes strike me as deeply superficial and hypocritical. What is the point of modest dress and behaviour when the real attitudes that lie underneath are to flaunt a beautiful daughter-in-law like a prize possession?
By belittling the importance of modest dress and covering for newly married women, a greater contrast is created for these dolled up brides compared to their previous self-selected modest apparel and demeanour. This only emphasises that being dressed up and "being beautiful" (whatever that means) are truly the goal. Despite the big fuss about hijab and niqab from within the more traditional parts of the Muslim community, it sees that in real life, attitude and behaviour, modesty is the booby prize to being beautiful, and showing it off.
posted by Shelina Zahra Janmohamed at 22:53
1 Comments:
I think that this is more of an asexual topic than your post is making out. Guys have the same kind of pressure, rejection and "selling out" that you describe above.
>only 2% of women identify themselves as beautiful. Only two out of every hundred! That is shocking. What happened to the other 98 to have such low self esteem?
Why does it imply low self esteem? Perhaps a large part of this 98% don't actually care? Not everyone needs to see themselves as beautiful in order to survive, and these people would also be honest about how they look when asked. To think otherwise in fact demonstrates the "beauty equals success" mentality of some.
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