Is equality a red herring?

I was up in Cambridge over the weekend, speaking at Cambridge University's Islamic society that was holding a day entitled "Islam Unveiled: Shattering Stereotypes about Muslim Women." It was an open invitation to those of all faiths and none to come and hear a bit about the subject, and experience a bit about what it might be like to be a Muslim woman. You can read what I said a bit later this month.

I was preceded by the most intelligent and eloquent TJ Winter, a lecturer at Cambridge University, and whose impressive bio is far too long to relate here. He spoke not about the usual female issues, but attempted to go deeper, but looking at the very foundation of women's rights in our religions and cultures based on our conception of God. He delved into the foundations of the Judeo Christian concepts (God the Father, God the son, God the (male) spirit) and the incarnation of God meaning that God then became a gendered God showing a preference for the male; he also touched on the archetype of Mary, and how the fact she is the 'Virgin' Mary makes her into an unattainable role model, leaving ordinary women for whom sex and childbirth are natural, feeling guilty, and failing. He contrasted this with a God of Islam who is ungendered and the Islamic "Word" being the Qur'an, a book, which therefore by its nature is ungendered, both of which therefore set quite a different tone for the discussion of gender.

He also remarked on the somewhat overlooked role of Hajar, the mother of Ishmael, and perhaps a role model for women today - independent, single parent, out in the wild fending for herself and her child. Her actions in looking after her baby were instituted into one of the rites of the hajj (sa'ee) and she is buried with Ishmael next to the Kaba, so that all the pilgrims who circulate around the Kaba include her in the path of their workship

Anyway, I then came across a piece he has written recently which I found interesting, which explores the idea of gender in an unexpected way. In his piece Boys Will be Boys, the crux of his argument seems to be

"...our awareness of the categoric difference
between the sexes makes the wholeconcept of 'equality' rather too simpleminded.
Men and women are neither equalnor unequal. We can no more say that men are
better than women than we can saythat 'the rain is better than the earth'. To
use the old language of 'equality'is in fact to be guilty of what the
philosopher Wittgenstein called a 'categorymistake'."

I did find one other point that he makes particularly interesting:

"Boys, it seems, are more 'rule-oriented' than
girls. (This is why the contemporary Musliminterpretation of shari'a in ways
which diminish haqiqa is so often accompanied by a diminished respect for women.
The sexes are only regarded with equivalent esteem when batin and zahir are
spoken of with equal frequency by believers.)"

The current Muslim obsession with strict rule based practice of Islam, and a simplistic hard line black or white approach to ethics, practice, interaction, in fact you name it, does appear to be obsessing with women and diminishing them as well.
*batin and zahir refer to the inner and outer, or esoteric and exoteric